A dream come true

Looking back, Rachel now recognises that she was an autistic girl trying to navigate a world that wasn't designed around her needs. At school, she became very good at masking how much she was struggling. "I wanted to fit in because I wanted to be loved" says Rachel. On the outside, Rachel was a high achiever but inwardly she was finding life increasingly difficult. 

At 15, Rachel was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and ended up in hospital. She describes this as an extremely difficult period. She became situationally mute and found it increasingly difficult to communicate how she was feeling. At a time when she struggled to see a future, Rachel held on to one particular dream: she was desperate to have a golden retriever. 

Having a dog became one of her biggest goals for recovery. She even wrote it down in her therapy plans. And dogs provided moments of comfort during some of her darkest days. While Rachel was in hospital, a therapy dog visited the ward and Rachel became known as the patient who loved dogs, seeking comfort from him when she was particularly struggling. 

But it was the relationship Rachel developed with one of the nurses, John, that became a pivotal moment in her recovery. John was the first medical practitioner to treat Rachel as a person rather than defining her by her mental health difficulties. He offered her unconditional kindness, empathy and person-centred care. Rachel is hugely grateful to John, recognising the impact that he had on her life, saying quite simply, "he gave me a reason to stay."

For Rachel, that reason was enough to begin believing that her life was worth saving. 

With John's support, Rachel began to understand herself in a different way. Writing became an important part of her recovery as it gave her a way to communicate her internal world when speaking felt impossible. Through this process, Rachel began to recognise that she might be autistic. Her eventual diagnosis helped her to make sense of experiences that had previously been difficult to understand, and her care also began to change around her. Rather than expecting Rachel to fit into an environment that wasn't working for her, John adapted the environment to meet her needs. 

Slowly, Rachel began talking again and taking steps towards recovery. Throughout it all, she continued to dream about her dog and John would reassure her that one day she would have her very own golden retriever. 

As Rachel continued to recover, her family eventually agreed that it was time to look at getting a dog. They wanted to make sure they found the right dog; one that would support Rachel rather than add to her anxiety. That's what led them to Dogs for Good. Rachel had first discovered Dogs for Good a few years earlier and had begged her Mum to attend one of the Family Dog programme workshops, which she eventually did. She was keen to understand what kind of dog would be best suited to support Rachel and the family, as a whole. She was incredibly impressed with the knowledge of the staff who delivered the workshops, and loved the approach they took to educating and supporting families to develop a connection with a pet dog to understand how this can help make family life easier. 

They waited a while and eventually felt ready to make that commitment. It was actually the foresight of Cari at Dogs for Good, who identified Cruz for Rachel. Life as an assistance dog wasn't right for him, but she felt that life as a dog for Rachel would be the perfect match! The two were introduced to each other and it was love at first sight. "Cruz is my miracle, the definition of hope. He's literally my happy ending" beams Rachel. 

The emotional connection between them is so lovely and the two are pretty much inseparable now. Cruz has become an essential part of Rachel's life; he knows when to give her a headrest to calm her down (without any cue) and if she's crying and really upset, he walks over and waits for her to give him a hug. The bond is so strong he just knows exactly what Rachel needs and when she needs it - proof that love needs no words! On a more practical note, he accompanies her to all her appointments and provides reassurance when she is struggling. She's even been able to spend extended periods away from her parents because they know she'll be fine when Cruz is with her. 

When Rachel is having a difficult time, knowing that Cruz needs her can give her a reason to get through the day. "If I do not feel good, I still know that someone needs to feed him the next day so I will be here for him."

Two years after leaving John's care, Rachel returned to see him and members of her care team with Cruz. When she'd left John's care, she told him that she would write a book and dedicate it to him, which she did. In fact, John wrote the prologue, saying, "I am a proud nurse."

This meant everything to Rachel. She had spent so much of her life feeling that she needed to fit in and to 'achieve' so that she could be loved. What she really wanted was for someone to be proud of who she was.  

Rachel is passionate about sharing her story because she remembers being 15 and believing that she would never have a future. She doesn't see herself as an exception. Instead, she wants other people who are struggling to know that things can change with the right support. She hopes to challenge the stigma around mental health and show people that there can be hope beyond even the darkest moments. She has received messages from people telling her that her story has helped them find hope or given them a reason to recover. For Rachel, that is why telling her story matters. 

"All I've ever wanted to do is just make one person have a little bit more hope in their life. Cruz gave me that and I'm so grateful for him. He's my happy ever after."